


The Strongest Outside (The Weakest In)

by Karlethandra_Merthensa



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Devils Breath, Did I mention their's crying?, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Good brother Genji, Good feels mixed with VERY BAD ONES, Hurt Jesse, I'm Sorry, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Drug-Induced Sex, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Torture, LSD, M/M, MCHANGST, Mother Hen Mercy, Multi, Non-Graphic Rape/Non-Con, Overwatch Family, Psychological Torture, Self-Harm, Slightly OOC characters, Tears, Very Hurt Hanzo
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-29
Updated: 2017-05-07
Packaged: 2018-10-25 05:25:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,352
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10757622
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Karlethandra_Merthensa/pseuds/Karlethandra_Merthensa
Summary: Hanzo Shimada- Elder of the Shimada brothers, and a perfect example of calm, collected, and put together.  Very hard to break his mask.But...  Some are willing to go to the greatest lengths, to not see the mask break...  No...  They want to see the mask shatter.  To see the mask lay before them in so many pieces it is unknown it was even ever a mask...  To cut the wearer with his own shame.And sometimes, those lengths go further than any human should go, just to see another give a single...  Little... Tear...





	1. Han...zo?

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry.

“Han...zo?” Jesse asked softly, moving forwards.  His hand come to cover his mouth, tears in his eyes as he looked over the archer.  His hair, which was normally tied up, was loose and free, but greasy.  Unwashed and unkempt.  Longer than Hanzo liked to have it.  His skin, normally smooth and slightly sunkissed, was pale and covered in bloodied and scabbed over scratches and bite marks.  His face, normally a mask of calm, was twisted in pain while his hands clutched tightly at the chains that bound his wrists together and to the headboard of the bed.  Jesse moved to the bed with slowly, dragging steps, “Oh, Hanzo…” He whispered, falling to his knees at the edge of the bed.

The archer flinched at his voice, curling in on himself.  Although he was covered with a plush, soft blanket, Jesse knew he wore nothing.  The cowboy reached forwards, gently placing a hand on the side of Hanzo’s face, careful to avoid the black eye that decorated the right side.

Hanzo flinched again, his eyes shooting open wide, only to widen impossibly more as he saw warm, sad brown eyes, “Jesse” He breathed, his voice rough, and horse.  They both flinched slightly at the sound, but Hanzo carefully sat up as much as he could with his wrists bound regardless.  Doing so made him flinch, his eyes shining with pain as he curled in on himself again.  Jesse had to swallow hard to voice growling in anger.  How  _ dare _ they do this to him…  

Without warning, Jesse removed his serape and draped it over Hanzo.  The archer looked at him in surprise, and then opened his mouth to question his actors, but stopped as the gunslinger removed a lock pick from one of his pouches.  The made quick work of the lock holding Hanzo’s bound wrists, removing them with gentle hands as he once again fought down a growl at the sight of skin rubbed so raw it started to bleed.

Following this, Hanzo gently pulled his hands down, now understanding what was going on and the smaller male wrapped his arms around himself, refusing to meet Jesse’s eyes.  Jesse carefully removed the blanket from Hanzo, making sure that his serape continued to cover him.  He wasn’t going to give Hanzo any more embarrassment.  Once that was done, he gently slipped his hands under Hanzo and lifted him into a bridal carry.  At the tense, and the small whimper of pain, Jesse felt his blood boil more.  

“We’ll get you healed up.” Jesse promised, keeping his voice light as he strolled through the hallway he’d come from.

Hanzo stayed silent for a long moment before replying softly, “Your communicator has been off.” He voice was weak.  Still horse.  Still showing how much pain they had put him through.  

“They’ll understand when we get back to the transport.” Jesse replied simply.

“Did you think you would find me here…  Or were you not even looking.”

The question was quite.  So quite Jesse almost missed it, but heard every single piece.  He felt his heart clench as the pain that filled it stopped it from beating for a moment,” No…  No, Hanzo…  We’ve been searchin’ since you went missin’…  The intention of this mission wasn’t to find you, but I’m damn glad we did…  Genji has been so worried.”

“Gen...ji?” Hanzo asked, like he’d forgotten the younger brother even existed.  That thought, however, was quickly blown away by the next words, “I…  I would have thought he would have been happy I was gone…”

Jesse stopped, shifting his hold on the smaller man for a moment to hug him softly against his larger frame.  The smaller man reached up and gripped a part of his chestpiece, his shoulders shaking, “I-It’s what they told me.” He sobbed, “The-They told me no one cared.  That life went on as it had before I’d come…  That no one even noticed I was gone.”

Jesse swallowed hard, fighting away his own tears, “No…  No, Hanzo…  Genji wouldn’t eat he was so worried.  Angela didn’t sleep for days, and Jack wouldn’t leave the control room.  Even Lena was quiet.  Nothing has been the same.” With that, Jesse started to walk again, this time faster.  He could feel something wet against his hand, and from the occasional whimpers of pain Jesse could tell his wounds went passed what he had seen.

When he finally left the building, they were greeted with fresh forest air and a woman dressed in white with wings across her back sprinting to them, “Jesse!” She yelled, “We’d gotten so worried, why did you get so-” She stopped short, noting the man in the cowboy’s arms.  Without hesitation, she lifted a hand to her ear, sprinting once more but faster this time, “Clear a med on the ship, I’m going to need it.”

“ _ Angela, are you alright?” _ Hanzo stiffened as he heard his brother’s voice, and even more so as he avoided Angela’s eyes as she looked over his form.  He knew she knew he was not dressed under the serape.

“Genji, just do it.  I can’t explain right now.” She replied shortly, before nodding the Jesse.  The cowboy nodded in reply, before hurring with her as she carefully looked over Hanzo’s black eye.  She muttered medical things under her breath before stopping them short of the turn that would take them to the door of the ship, “Hanzo, I am going to ask you something and I  _ need _ you to be honest with me.”

Hanzo burried his face in Jesse’s chest, but nodded softly.

“Were you raped.”

A moment of nothing, before he finally nodded again.  Jesse had to stop himself from tightening his grip.  The man was already hurt, he wasn’t going to add to it.  

“How many times.”

Hanzo once again stayed silent, but when he did reply his voice was less horse than before, but still rough.  “How long have I been gone.”

“Five months.”

“For the first two months, twice a day.  After that, it was no less than two, going up to thirteen.”

Mercy was running something doctor like through her head, but her eyes were dark with anger, “Torn?” He nodded again.  Mercy muttered something under her breath in Swiss German before motioning them to follow, “Hanzo, I have to check it out, but no one but me will have to be there.  Is that alright?”  
“Yes ma’am.” Hanzo replied softly, and although hs voice was stronger than before, Jesse could feel the wet tears slowly soaking through the cloth part of his chestpiece.

As soon as they rounded the corner, Jesse could feel Hanzo tighten his grip on him.  Jesse tightened reassuringly in reply.  They walked briskly in silence before the soft sound of music filled their ears.  Lucio.

“Hey, who’s- Oh my God, Hanzo?” He gasped.  Jesse gave him a hard, weary look, and Lucio turned on his heel and speed skated back to the ship, his voice calling to make sure the room and bed was open.  

Not a moment later Genji left the ship.  He stood there frozen for exactly thirty seconds before he was by their side, a flash of green only showing he had used his one of his speed abilities to get to them, “Hanzo?” He asked softly.  Hanzo didn’t look at him, but nodded in reply.  Genji let out a shaky breath, his hand coming up slightly as though he wished to reach out to his brother, but pulled it back as Hanzo pulled from his touch.  Jesse gave the younger Shimada a look that said he would explain later, and they entered the ship.  Lena, who was sitting in the cockpit, closed the door as soon as they were on.  Hana, who was sitting at the table with Jack couldn’t stop a little squeak that escaped her as she saw the elder Shimada.  Jack gave no verbal notice of their presence, but he stiffened. 

Mercy ignored them all, leading Jesse into the back room where he placed Hanzo down on the bed gently.  The elder Shimada gripped the serape wrapped around him tightly, apparently taking comfort in the piece of cloth. “You can tell them…” Hanzo said, soft as he had his previous words, “I…  I can’t myself…” Mercy then ushered Jesse out, closed and locked the door.  

Once outside of the room, Jesse turned his back on the door, leaned against it and slowly slipped to the floor.  His flesh hand come to his mouth, a single audible sob escaping him as his knees pulled to his chest.  

“What…  Happened to my brother, Jesse.” Genji asked softly, kneeling next to the cowboy.  Lena listened from the cockpit, and everyone else on the ship looked at him expectantly.

“You’re an attractive man who has a reputation of being fearless, calm, collected, and untouchable…” Jesse said, harshly.  He then deflated, his hat covering his eyes, but not the tears that slipped down and dripped from his chin.  His next words were softer than a whisper, but heard like a yell, “ _ What do you think happened _ .”

“What was he like when you found him?” Jack asked. 

“I’m not saying with Hana-” 

“Just tell us, Jesse!” Hana interrupted, tears in her ears, “I  _ need _ to know.”

Jesse stared at her for a long moment, before finally sighing shakily.  “He was asleep, but his face was twisted in pain.” His voice was quickly becoming strained, “His hands were grasping the chains that bound his wrists to the headboard of a bed…” His voice broke, followed by a sob as he said, “He pulled away from my touch with fear even in his sleep.  He looked at me like he didn’t believe I existed…  They…  They made him believe we didn’t care that he was gone.” His arms wrapped around the top of his knees, his face burying in them as he let out another sob.

He felt Genji drop to his knees next to him, a hand landing on his shoulder, “He will-” The cyborgs voice broke as well, his own shoulders shaking, “He  _ will _ get better.  H-He won’t be  _ okay _ , but he’ll get better.  My brother is lucky to have you, Jesse…  You will protect him.”

“I should have protect him before!” Jesse cried, lifting his head to look at the younger Shimada.  Genji reached forwards, pulling him into a hug.

“There was nothing you could have done.” Jack said, softly.  “Nothing any of us could have done.  He was gone from the base before we even reached where he’d been cornered.  It’s those  _ bastards _ fault.  They will pay.  They  _ will _ .”

There was no reply to his words except a single, heartbroken sob.


	2. Doctor's orders

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OkAy I dIdN't ExPeCt PeoPlE tO aCtUaLlY rEaD aNd EnJoY tHiS.
> 
> With that said, people enjoy more tears, pain, and McHangst!
> 
> (Note: I was 100% binge listening to Hanzo Vs. Genji Rap battle by JT Machinima all day today. IF YOU LIKE HANZO AND GENJI, I would recommend listening to if you haven't heard it before. SO GOOD
> 
> With that said, it doesn't fit the chapter... I would more recommend a heart wrenching song that never fails to make you cry :) )
> 
> ENJOY MY LOVELY HEARTWRENCHERS!

Silence was on the other side of the door as Mercy went about cleaning the bites and scratches along Hanzo's torso.  He was still wrapped as much as he could be in the serape, a look on his face that almost said he didn't believe he was actually holding it, or that he was actually on the ship.  Angela cleared her throat after a short while, "Hanzo." She said softly.

He looked at her with soft, sad brown eyes before finally laying down.  She continued to work in silence.  She kept it as non-touchy as she could, but as a doctor she still had a job to do, and if she didn't stitch him he would bleed out.  After a short while she finally straightened again, tucking a cotton swab into a tube and placing it in her medical bag.

"Well, I don't think they were planning on you being found." She said, casually, "With this, we should be able to find out who it was...  Unless, you want to tell us?" She added, hopefully.  Hanzo's reply was to bury his face into the serape.  Angela sighed softly, before moving around and kneeling next to the bed, her head level with his as she stared at the top of his head.  Slowly, he peaked out from the cloth, his eyes outlined red and welling with fresh tears.  Angela felt her heart clench.  The man she had seen as an untouchable, indestructible, _amazing_ person, was laying here in front of her with such pain in his eyes she thought she could feel it herself.  She reached out, stroking his cheek with her fingertips lightly, "Oh, Hanzo..." She whispered, "You're alright...  Not a single person on heaven or hell will judge you.  You are _safe_."

His hand came out from beneath the serape, and grasped her own to bring it to his lips and kiss them gently.  Angela smiled at the familiar gesture they had used as a silly little 'hello' in the past.  When he'd first done it, it was because he had been half asleep and woozy from anesthetics because one of his back molars had been knocked out during a fight and they were putting in a fake.  When Angela told him he'd blushed deeply and stammered an apology but she just laughed.

_"It's alright, Hanzo.  I thought it was cute.  Who knew you were such a charmer?"  Hanzo blushed deeper, muttering another apology as she reached out and pulled his forehead down to her lips.  He tensed slightly, but relaxed just before she pulled away.  She giggled softly, noting that he refused to look at her, "Oh, you really are like your brother, Hanzo.  All bark and no bite."_

_"My arrow does the biting for me." He replied._ _"Well," Angela shrugged, "Then I suppose I'll just never have to meet one of your arrows.  Have a good one Hanzo."_

And since then, it had just been a silly little greeting to them.  At first Genji had been confused, but when Angela explain he laughed so hard he fell out of his chair.  Jesse did the same.

But now, here where they were and after all that Hanzo had just been put through, he still gave her the same silly little greeting they had been adoringly called childish for.  Hanzo kept her hand there for a moment, before finally asking, "How do you know?"

Angela looked out the window, "Because every Overwatch Agent thinks of you as a brother, Hanzo." She whispered, finally looking back at him.  He stared at her in shock, and she nodded, "Indeed they do.  They always thought of Genji as a goofy, lovable younger brother, Jack as a mother hen, Hana as the adored little sister..  We all have our 'rank', but then we have each other as family.  And family protects their own."

Hanzo closed his eyes tightly, his grip on her hand tightening as well, "Most do." He replied.

Angela sighed, "Your brother does forgive you." She said softly, "You just need to forgive yourself...  I'll let you rest.  Do you want me to send in Jesse?" Hanzo shook his head, releasing her hand to then pull the serape back over it.  He was curled in a little ball now.  Angela stood up, sighing softly through her nose as she pulled a pair of clothes from one of the cabinets and set it down on the bedside table, "Come join us whenever if you want.  Just don't tear your stitching."

Hanzo chuckled at that, reaching over to the table to grab a glass of water and took a sip, "As the Doctor orders." He replied, his voice significantly smoother than it had been.

Angela left the room, and Hanzo laid back on the bed.  The serape smelled of whiskey, cigar smoke, and dust.  He knew it was clean, but it just seemed to keep the dust smell.  He liked it.  It was Jesse's smell, one of the few things that calmed him.  He thought back to what Angela said, _"Your brother does forgive you...  You just need to forgive yourself..."_ He laughed humorlessly into the pillow, his vision becoming blurry once more.  It was a common sight for him now-a-days it seems...

"Angela..." He whispered, bringing a hand over his mouth to quite his sobs lest someone heard and checked on him, " _If only it were that easy._ "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "If only it were that easy"
> 
> ...
> 
> I'MA JUST GO HIDE IN A CORNER AND CRY NOW. I WOULD DIE, BUT I GOTTA GIVE THE CHAPTERS, SO KAY? KAY.
> 
> LOVE YOU MY WONDERFUL MCHANGSTERS. I DUNNO WHEN NEXT CHAPTER WILL BE OUT. IT MAY BE TODAY, BUT DON'T HOLD IT TO ME PLZ


	3. Trapped in my Mind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: SELF HARM IN THIS CHAPTER, AND A LOT OF GENJI-HANZO BROTHER HEARTBREAK SHIT. THIS IS YOUR WARNING. I LOVE YOUR FACE, DON'T HURT YOURSELF. YOU HAVE A BEAUTIFUL SOUL. <3<3<3<3<3
> 
> And here I come, with the two chapters in one day! I am seriously enjoying writing this story. I only recently became McHanzo trash, but I dove in DEEP! 
> 
> So, my lovely heartbreakers, enjoy! The third chapter...

When they finally landed at Watchpoint: Gibraltar, three hours later, Hanzo had only gotten about thirty minutes of sleep.  The rest of that time had been spent looking around the room he sat in, still not fully believing he was free of the place.  Only the occasional chatter from the other side of the door kept him from thinking otherwise.  He'd already gotten dressed, the fabric a strange, yes very slightly familiar, feeling.  He couldn't remember the last time he had clothes on.  Was it just a little after he was taken?  Before?  He couldn't say anymore.  The only reason he ever even knew what time of day it was was because he never left that one damned bed.  He would stare at the digital clock on the nightstand, watching as each hour someone would come in to do _something._ Whether is be talk to knock him out with a shot so they could change the bloodied sheets, or to clean up the room, clean up him, replace the flowers, open the window.  No matter what it was, they had never once spoken to him.  The only words he ever heard during that entire time-

He stopped himself there, clutching the slightly bloodied serape still in his hands.  He couldn't think about what happened, and he wouldn't.  He had to- No, he _needed_ to believe he was safe as Angela said he was.  In the entire time he'd been there, he'd only felt pain and solitude.  When he first opened his eyes and saw those tear welled chocolate brown eyes of the man he loved, he wanted to throw himself into his arms, to cry and bawl and just spill everything, but he _couldn't_.  It would change everything.  Everyone saw him as strong, confident.  What would they all do if they knew the person who did it all-

Hanzo gripped his arm so tightly his nail dug in too deep, and he could feel the warm crimson liquid of his own blood spill around his fingers, and down his arm, but he couldn't bring himself to move his hand away.  Images flashed through his head, and his nails dug _deeper_.  The voice...  The voice like nails on a chalkboard, and the chalkboard was his skin, and the nails raked across it, causing deep lines and crevasse's that would never go away, but smooth like water flowing through a small stream.  The hands...  The hands that were rough with callouses from years of hand labor, but never working a job a day in their life, that gripped so hard that bruises were left for weeks at a time because they were never given a chance to heal.  The eyes...  The eyes a rich brown that looked like mud on a rainy day that would never end to make everyone sorrowful and dreary.

His nails dug deeper, and he curled in on himself.  Pain shot through his body, but he couldn't stop himself.  He couldn't tell if he didn't _want_ to stop himself.  Did he?  He wasn't sure...  He wanted the voice to fade, the bruises to heal, the eyes to close.

_The Pain To Stop._

" _Hanzo_ _!_ "

The voice brought him back to reality.  He looked up to be met with the glowing green visor of his brother, warm metal hands pulling his from himself.  He felt his cheeks wet, but didn't stop staring at Genji.  Genji looked at his brother's arms, lightly coated with blood that still flowed, and his fingers, coated thickly with blood his brother himself caused to spill.  He didn't trust himself to say anything.  Just kept quiet as he held the wrists.  
  
Genji wanted to scream.  He wanted to kick, scream, throw a tantrum and _torture_ the men who hurt his brother, because they do not deserve a quick death.  They deserved the be hung by the balls upside down over lava; They deserved to feel Genji's blades slowly sink into their skin; They deserved- Genji had to stop.  He needed to focus on the task at hand.  He reached over, grabbing some gauze from a nearby basket and carefully wrapped it around both arms where Hanzo had gripped himself so tightly he bled.  That very thought stuck in his mind like an echo in a canyon that wouldn't stop.

 _Hanzo Had Gripped Himself So Tightly He Bled_.

Was it intentional?  Did he mean to?  Had he been so lost in his thoughts, in his daytime _nightmares_ that he simply didn't notice?  Or did he notice and not stop himself.

So many scenario's ran through Genji's head as he finished wrapping them up.  He then sat next to him on the bed, silent.  Hanzo stared at his nails, his expression blank but his eyes flickering everywhere at once.  Genji knew his brother well enough that though he may be still, his mind was raging faster than water going down a ninety degree angled stream.

"You're...  Not going to say anything?" Hanzo finally asked softly.  Genji stayed silent, before taking a deep breathe and sighing.

"What do I have to say, Hanzo?" He replied, "I don't know what caused it to happen, so who am I to say anything?"

"I-I wouldn't have expected you to reprehend me.  Preach to me about how I need to care for myself."

Genji nodded, "Well, you certainly need to do that...  But you also need to not think so much."

"I wasn't-"

"I know you, Hanzo.  I know every single think about you that makes you tick." He stayed silent for a moment before softly adding, "You were so lost in your own thoughts you weren't breathing."

That made Hanzo flinch.  He wasn't...?  "I-I'm sorry." Was his only reply.

"You have no reason to be sorry." Genji stated, "You have a reason to cry.  To be hurt.  The only thing you don't have a reason for, is to add _more_ pain.  We, and I mean _we_ , will stitch together the wounds.  Will they heal properly?  No...  Most definitely not.  There will be nightmares, there will be pain left over, but they will get _better_.  Maybe we won't make it to _'okay_ ' any time soon, but so long as one day I see that silly smile of my big brother again...  I'm willing to work through every up, down, and turn around that comes."

"But what if _I_ don't want to." The question was soft.  So soft Genji didn't almost hear it, but hear it he did and it was like a _scream_.

"That's not an option, Hanzo." Genji whispered, looking at his brother.  "It will _never_ be an option for you.  Things will get bet-"

"When, Genji?" Hanzo yelled, " _When_.  When it's been so long I am screaming my pain?  Or when it's been too long and I've already taken the jump without you knowing."

Genji stood, turned, and wrapped his brother tightly in a hug.  The elder Shimada stiffened, and stayed like that.

_1..._

_2..._

_3..._

_4..._

_5..._

_6..._

_7..._

His arms lifted slightly, the palms pressing against Genji's stomach.

_8..._

_9..._

_10..._

_11..._

_12..._

_13..._

_14..._

_15..._

_16..._

_17..._

_18..._

His hands moved from the stomach to the sides.

_19..._

_20..._

_21..._

_22..._

_23..._

_2-_

His arms latched around Genji's waist and his shoulders shook so hard Genji felt like he was riding a bull but _he didn't care_.  His brother...  The man who in their youth took every action he could to protect him, even if he ended up almost killing him, Genji _forgave him_ a long time ago.  The man who as soon as he entered Watchpoint: Gibraltar a year and a half ago, Genji wrapped in the tightest hug he could and said with the biggest smile _'I was thinking you'd missed your plane, brother!  Come on, they're making ramen for dinner!  You're favorite kind too!'_ The man, whom for the longest time looked _untouchable_...  Sat here, all but _wailing_ into Genji's chest.

He tightened his gripped, and hugged him.  
  
Thirty minutes later, Hanzo exhausted himself and saw sleeping with his head on Genji's lap, his arms wrapped tightly around Jesse's serape.  His cheeks tear stained, and his shoulders still occasionally jerking with hiccups.  "It will get better..." Genji said in a whisper, running his fingers through Hanzo's dirty hair.

 _"I promise._ "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BEAUTIFUL SOUL, FACE, WHATEVER YOU NEED TO NOT HURT YOURSELF IMAGINE ME SAYING IT BECAUSE IF I COULD I WOULD 100% SAY IT TO YOUR FACE. I LOVE YOU <3<3<3<3


	4. Watchpoing: Gilbraltar

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO MY LOVLIES I'M SORRY FOR TAKING FOREVER, I GOT CAUGHT UP IN ANOTHER STORY THAT I DUNNO IF I'LL PUT UP CAUSE IT'S REALLY HEARTBREAKING BECAUSE ARGH HANZO ANGST IS LIFE.
> 
>  
> 
> Anyways, have another chapter!!!

Jesse sat on the other side of the door, his arms wrapped tightly around himself, his head bowed low so his hat hid his face.  They  _ all _ heard what Hanzo yelled.  They  _ all _ knew what he meant.  Not a single face on the other side of that medical room door had dry cheeks.

When they finally landed, Jesse got a hold on himself well enough that he could smile softly.  He stood, turned, and knocked on the door.  He stood there, waiting for what felt like hours before it finally opened to Hanzo.  His hair was still dirty as before, but his cheeks were dry.  His hands clutched the serape wrapped around his shoulders, and Jesse took comfort in that fact.  Testing the waters, Jesse took a step back and held out his hand for Hanzo to take, but instead the smaller man slipped under his arm, and pressed against his side.  

The gesture was small.  Something that he would have done normally but after all that happened it  _ screamed _ it’s importance.  Jesse felt his heart flutter in happiness, and held Hanzo close, but just loosely enough that he could escape if he wanted to.  The door opened, and Mercy lead the way with Jack and Genji on their left, Lucio and Hana on their right, and Tracer behind.  They walked far enough apart and casually to not look that weird, but everyone still stared.  Of course they would.  Hanzo was  _ back _ .

Once they reached a crossroad of the pathway, Mercy stopped and turned to them, “Hanzo, I have more things I need to check,” Hanzo pressed further into Jesse at that, “But you don’t have to come to the medical bay right away.  You have the choice to either go tomorrow, no later than mid-day, or going now.  If you go tomorrow, you can sleep in your own bed tonight, and the medical bay tomorrow.  If you go tonight it’ll be vice versa.”

“What do you have to check?” Hanzo asked softly.

Mercy sighed, “I would rather discuss that with you in private.  I know you’re already not comfortable out in the open, Han.  I can see it in your body language.  It’s truly up to you.”

Hanzo stayed silent for a long moment, his fingers tapping lightly against Jesse’s side before he finally said, “I’ll…  I’ll go to the medical bay tonight.  I don’t think I’ll be able to drag myself out of my bed if I get in it tonight.” He joked, a small smile on his lips.  Jesse wanted to cheer to the sky.  Hanzo’s shoulders were tense, yet relaxed under his arm, and he  _ loved _ the feeling.  It was so refreshing from the words he heard on the ship, and the absolute board stiffness that Hanzo had when they’d first saved him.

Mercy gave a little chuckle, “Alright, let’s head on over then.  Jesse, I’m sorry but you’re sleeping in your room tonight.  You need it.”  The gunslinger stiffened for a moment, but after a poke in the side from Hanzo he deflated and nodded,  With few other words, they all went their different ways, and Jesse was left with a cold air at his side and the feeling of fingers tracing over his cheek.

Finally, he sighed and headed to the communal room.  He needed something to eat, and desperately.  When he entered however, he was met with 7’4 wall of muscle that is Reinhardt.  Without a word the elder man wrapped Jesse in a hug, and although Jesse stiffened he didn’t let go.  The hug went on for exactly one minute, but by the five second mark Jesse was hugging back.  By ten seconds Ana and Phara joined him.  At fifteen Tracer and Torbourn did.  At twenty Jack and Lena did.  Twenty five was Lucio and Zarya.  At fifty it was Genji.  All at once, they pulled back, and Jesse just stared, tears streaming down his face as it was on all of them as well.

“Look at us,” Jesse joked, his voice catching in his throat, “The great mighty Overwatch…  Crying.”

“We are human, Jesse…” Ana whispered, moving forward and lifting a hand to stroke he cheek.  He leaned into the touch, his eyes closing gently.  She wiped away his tears, bringing his forehead down to her lips as she kissed it gently.  Finally, she pulled back, cupped his face in both his hands and spoke once more, “We are  _ human _ .  We feel.  If someone wants to reprimand us for crying, let them try.  We have a right to cry.  One of our own is in pain.  We’ll cry if we wish, and will we be there for him.”

Jesse nodded silently, finally opening his eyes to looking into the bright golden ones of Ana.  He mouthed ‘Thank you’ at her, and they all parted to go to either chairs or the couch.  Lena, Phara and Jesse took the couch.  Both girls leaned on the gunslinger, their eyes drooping but unable to sleep because of jitteriness.  They all sat silently in their own thoughts, the occasional word of encouragement from different people before about midnight rolled round.  Once the bell started to toll, Jesse sigh and gently stood from the couch.  Both girls looked at him with sleep filled eyes, and he chuckled softly.  His eyes darted up to Reinhart who chuckled as well, and came over to gently pick of Phara who curled up in his arms.  Jesse picked up Lena, who laid her head on his shoulder, her breathing even as she was already asleep.  Both men wished everyone who was still awake a good night, and headed off to drop the girls in their rooms, and then retire to their own.  

When Jesse reached Lena’s room, he gently placed her on her bed and was about to move away when thin fingers wrapped around his wrist.  He looked back, a surprised look in his eyes to see Lena staring at him intently.  She was still half-asleep, that he could tell, but she was awake enough to talk, “He’ll be  _ okay _ , Jesse.” She whispered, “We just have to be there for him.  We have to get him to open up to us.  To  _ you _ .  You and I both saw that look in his eyes when we told him he was safe before we all parted ways.  He thinks they’ll be back for him.  We need to find out  _ who _ -” She yawned, her grasp on his wrist loosening slightly “ _ Who _ so we can..  Pro..tect…  Him.” With that, her grip dropped, and she fell asleep.

The gunslinger let out the breath he was holding, blinking rapidly as he fought his breathing.  He didn’t want to wake her, so he quickly and silently left her room, sped walked to his own, and promptly slammed the door closed to put his back to it, slide to the floor and cry.  His head in his hands, his shoulders shaking as he wailed heart broken sobs.  It  _ hurt _ .  To see the man he loved, adored,  _ worshipped _ so hurt…  So  _ afraid _ …   _ It hurt _ .  He didn’t know what to do.  He wasn’t trained for this sort of thing.

“W-What are you going to do Jesse” He stammered out to himself, “What if you say the w-wrong t-thing and send him into a panic attack?  What if you take it too far and he’s too-” He coughed hard into his hand, his lungs begging for an actual breath that he didn’t know if he could force himself to take right then. “And he’s too scared to tell you?  What if….” His voice lowered to a whisper, his warm brown eyes wide with fear as his hands slipped into his hair, grabbing on tightly as his knees pulled to his chest, “ _ What if they do come back for him…  And we don’t know.” _

He fell asleep against that door, still hiccuping.  The collar of his shirt soaked.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hahahahaha
> 
> I'm sorry, McCree, I LOVE YOU I PROMISE (Although I can't get a kill on you to save my fucking life... Literally.)
> 
> BTW: I've learned that I need to learn what the fuck comedic relief is. THIS SHIT IS HEAVY, HOLY FUCK (I learned this because I was roleplaying with a friend and his character has two settings: Fucking terrifying assassin that will flay your skin layer by layer, or red armored clad idiot who is taken out by a pile of snow. There is no inbetween, and it most times happens in the same day. I'm not even kidding.)
> 
> With that said, I'll try and add more comedic relief... Although with my luck it'll be something like: "Well, at least I'm not pregnant."  
> "Hanzo, you're a guy."  
> "That joke went right over your head, Angela."  
> "Of course it did. Hanzo doesn't joke. Hanzo is serious."  
> "Are you saying I'm not Hanzo?"  
> "Am I?"  
> "Hanzo is Hanzo- I am Hanzo."  
> "You referred to yourself in third person"  
> "I hate you so much."
> 
> SEE
> 
> I DON'T JOKE GOOD.


	5. Med-Bay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did a lot of research for this chapter, so I hope I at least got a few things right!!!
> 
> BTW: POSSIBLE TRIGGER WARNING FOR THIS CHAPTER. INVOLVES HALLUCINATIONS.
> 
> WIth that said, please enjoy more heart break. IT WILL GET BETTER SOON, I PROMISE.

Hanzo followed Angela silently into one of the personal rooms of Medical.  His side and shoulders were cold with the absence of Jesse, but at the same time his skin crawled.  He  _ hated  _ it.  The man he loved, adored, all but  _ worshipped _ , made his skin crawl…  All because it was physical contact.  

_ ‘But Jesse would never hurt you like that! _ ’ Hanzo argued with himself.  He knew Jesse wouldn’t and he  _ despised _ himself for reacting in such a way to a touch he’d been  _ begging _ to himself for instead of the one he’d been feeling for months.  Something warm and welcoming instead of cold and pained.

But, of course, Hanzo never got anywhere when arguing with himself.

“Alright, Hanzo, sit down if you would.” Angela said calmly, snapping Hanzo out of his thoughts.  The elder Shimada did so, sitting down on the bed with a small flinch of pain.  Angela gave him a sympathetic smile before she pulled out a stethoscope along with a small light, “Open and say ah for me please.” She said softly, a tinge of something in her voice.

_ Worry _ Hanzo realized.  She was worried that something she would say might cause him to have a flashback.  Of course, probably a normal word would at this point, but he wasn’t about to mention that.  He calmly opened his mouth, the ‘ah’ a gently sound.  Angela worked quickly, shining the light in and looking around with a tsk ‘ _ Gonna take a bit for your voice to heal…  Damn, they did a number didn’t they. _  As soon as it was said she stiffened but Hanzo just shrugged, “They did a number everywhere.  At this point it’s not a matter of ‘is it here’ more of a matter of ‘how bad is it’.” He replied honestly.

That made Angela deflate with a sigh and resume her work.  She checked his ears, nothing out of the ordinary except a small infection in his left ear that could easily be healed.  Next he peeled off his shirt so she could actually work on his torso properly, her eyes meeting his when she uncovered his newer wounds.  He wouldn’t meet her eyes.  He couldn’t.

So, she just cleaned them up with a chipper ‘Well, I suppose you need to cut your nails anyways.  As long as mine, I swear!  That’ll make shooting Storm Bow hard.”

At the mention of his favorite weapon, he perked up, “You guys found my bow?” 

She nodded, tabbing some antibiotic cream on one of the bite marks on his right shoulder, “Yep.  About four months ago.  It’s alright, not a scratch.”

Hanzo smiled softly, “That’s good.”

Angela smiled back in return and once again resumed her cleaning.  Finally, once she had rechecked his stitching that Hanzo had hesitated her doing at first, before apparently winning his mental battle and allowing her to, she looked at him levelly, “Hanzo, I’m going to be blunt.  I need to take a blood sample to make sure you don’t have any-”

“STD’s?” Hanzo finished, before rolling up his sleeve and holding out his arm, “Just warning you though: You’ll probably find something else in there you won’t like, regardless of STD’s.”

Angela felt her blood boil, but she calmly grabbed her needle and slipped it in without a single flinch from Hanzo.  She forced herself to focus on filling up her three vials, and not on the other multiple old needle marks she could see in the crook of his arm.  Instead, she asked, “Do you know what it was?”

He let out a soft sigh, thinking, before he finally replied, “Devil’s Breath was the main one.  The other…  I-I’m not sure.  All I remember when they injected was…  A  _ lot _ of fear, and yet excitement?  I-I’m not sure.” He replied, his brown furrowing as he tried to remember.

Angela finished her work quickly, pulling out the needle and carefully putting the vials away, “Do you know if they were in you at the same time?”

“Maybe?”

“If that is the case, then you probably don’t remember because Devil’s Breath causes amnesia.  My only question is how do you know it was Devil’s Breath?”

“He-  _ They _ told me…  I guess they thought it was funny for me to know that my body was being used against me…  Like some dog just following the orders of his  _ master _ ” He spat the word, his eyes narrowing at nothing in particular.  Finally, Angela took a deep breath and picked up her bag, “Well, it’s late…  Try and get some sleep.  If you wake up more than three times, buzz me.  Good night Hanzo.”

Hanzo nodded in thanks and laid down on his side.  His mind was going a million miles an hour.  He’d never thought about what other drugs they put into him.  All he cared about was not letting anything touch him, and not looking at the color green.  He frowned at that thought.  Why did he care about the color green?  Genji was green.  What did it matter to him?

He fell into a fitful sleep with the color green behind his eyelids, and an itch in the crook of his elbow.

  
  


Angela, however, didn’t sleep.  She stayed up late, her blue eyes itching with irritation but she never turned away from the screen.  Athena’s symbol swirled on the screen next to her, the AI helping her go through Hanzo’s blood looking for anything out of the ordinary.  Or at least, Athena was.  Mercy, however, was working on finding out what in the fuck they injected him with.  Devil’s Breath was one thing.  She couldn’t get her self-made images of Hanzo completely out of control of his body being  _ abused _ like that would of her head.  She was going to drive herself mad, she knew, but Devil’s Breath was something that could be helped, but if she didn’t figure out what else was in his body -  _ if it still was - _ she knew it would be an even longer road to recovery.

Finally, around two fourteen AM, she found it.  Right there, clear as day to her trained medical eyes.  LSD.  She should have fucking  _ known _ as soon as he said terror and excitement in the same sentence.  LSD could give the user a range of emotional charges, most being sexual increases but other times it can bring sever terror.  She ran a hand over her face, biting her thumbnail as she thought.  She was lucky he had been calm.  The drug was just barely still there in his system, and probably is all gone by now if she hadn’t gotten the blood sample when she did.  

With a churn in her stomach she realized that meant just before they’d arrived he was- “Stop it, Angela.” She whispered to herself.  She took a deep, steadying breath and pressed the heels of her hands into her eyes.  She looked to the buzzer, noting it hadn’t gone off and pulled up the camera feed to Hanzo’s room.

He was awake, staring at the ceiling with a confused expression.   His eyes darted everywhere, his breathing steadily becoming more and more erratic.  With a hiss of a curse at herself she was up out of her seat and in Hanzo’s room within seconds.  He didn’t turn to look at her, just continued to look at the ceiling.

Angela walked softly towards him, making sure the click of her heels were heard as she softly called out his name, “Hanzo?”  He still didn’t reply, but the shift in his attitude made it apparent he knew she was there.  His eyes darted to her, and she gently knelt next to his bed, “Hanzo what’s happening?”  He opened his mouth, but all that came out was a stuttered breath and it closed again.  She kept her expression calm and tried again, “Hanzo are you confused?” He shook his head.  “Afraid?”  He hesitated, but slowly nodded, his eyes still staring at nothing.

“Hanzo, there’s nothing there to me.” Angela said softly.

“What?” Hanzo asked, softly, “What-What do you mean?”

“There’s nothing there Hanzo.  I don’t see anything?”

“H-How can you not?  They’re right there!”

Angela lifted a hand, “To you.” She replied softly, “Not to anyone else.  I could pull in everyone at the Watchpoint and no one would see what your seeing except you.”

“B-But they said…  They said they were real.”

“Who said?   Those in front of you right now?”

“N-No.  From before.”

Angela didn’t have to ask to know he meant his captors.  She took a deep breath, “They lied to you Hanzo.  They’re not real.  They just wanted you to fear them.   _ They’re not real _ .”

Hanzo suddenly flinched, a hand coming up to the left side of his face.  Another stuttered breath escaped him, “ _ It feels real _ .”

Angela held out her hand, “Then grab my hand.  I’m real, Hanzo.  Grab my hand and feel the difference.”

Hesitantly Hanzo grabbed the hand.  Whereas what he was seeing was cold, damp, and unwelcoming….  Angela’s hand was warm, dry, and soft…  Like a pillow that he never wanted to take his head off of.  He flinched again as a deep husky voice growled something he couldn’t hear in his ear.

“Tell them to go away, Hanzo.” Angela whispered, rubbing her thumb against the back of his hand.

“They never listened before…  Why would they now?” He replied, his voice barely above a mutter.

“Because now you know they’re not real.”

Hanzo remained silent for a long moment, before flinching again.  Finally, he swallowed hard.

_ “Go…  Away…” _

Angela sat there as he repeated the words over and over, his eyes squeezing closed as he fought away the hallucination.  Finally, as the clock on the bedside table read Four AM, he opened his eyes again.  It was hesitant at first, a soft flutter to test the waters before they opened all the way.  He looked around the room, his eyes wide with shock.

“T-They’re gone.” He said, and then flinched like he couldn’t believe the words that were coming out of his mouth.

“They’re gone.” Angela agreed.

“What did you do?” Hanzo asked.

“I didn’t do anything.  You’re the one that made them pack their bags.”  Angela smiled.

Hanzo smiled back, although it was small and tired, before it faded.  He was still clasping her hand, so he brought it up to gently kiss her knuckles, “They’ll be back…  Won’t they.” He whispered against them.

Angela nodded, “More than likely.” She replied, “I suggest finding something to help you handle them…  Music, TV, something along those lines.”

“I-I was always left to just… Have them there.” He muttered, “I-I can’t actually believe all this time…  I could have just sent them away.”

“It’s not that easy…  That we already found out.” Angela replied, “And you didn’t know…  Those you were with back then wouldn’t let you know.  But, now you do, and we can help you.”

Hanzo smiled again at the ‘we’, “Did you find out what was in me?”

“Well, no STD’s, thank God.” She chuckled, “But I did find out what else they put in you.”

“And?”  
“LSD.”

Hanzo remained quiet for a long time, before grunting, “I suppose that explains the hallucinations…” He muttered.  Angela simply nodded in reply.  Silence fell in between them before Hanzo suddenly sighed deeply, made a popping noise with his mouth and said, “Well, at least I’m not pregnant.”

“Hanzo, you’re a guy.”

“That joke went right over your head, Angela.”

“Of course it did.  Hanzo doesn’t joke.  Hanzo is serious.”

“Are you saying I’m not Hanzo?”

“Hanzo is Hanzo- I am Hanzo.”

“You just referred to yourself in third person.”

“I hate you so much.”

Angela just laughed before she stood from where she had still been kneeling next to the bed.  She gently leaned in, kissed his forehead, and left.

Hanzo couldn’t remember a time he’d slept easier since he was a child.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ... At least I didn't end it in complete tears this time like the other chapters... Just took 5 chapters to get this far xD

**Author's Note:**

> i'M sOrRy
> 
> They'll be more chapters, probably. I can't leave it unhappy like this. THE ANGST MUCH BE FIXED UNLESS ONE IS TO DIE, AND HANZY AIN'T DYIN' TODAY.


End file.
